Weighing the Good and the Bad (reblog)

This reblog was originally posted on one of my previous blogs/websites. Some will be about my personal experiences with my decision to have bariatric surgery, others are about other relevant issues that I feel are worth still having available for discussion. Minor editing may have been done for clarity.

Originally published December 30, 2008

The year is almost to a close, and the last couple months have been a heck of a ride. I thought I would jot a few notes on where things are at with the whole losing weight/considering surgery thing.

On the balance scale at the gym today I was 349, in shorts, socks, t-shirt. The fact that I could use the scale is a milestone as the thing only goes up to 350. The scale at home here has me at 344. Let’s be optimistic and use that one. Which means I’m down 25 pounds since the day before Thanksgiving and 30 from my highest.

And I’m starving.

Ok, maybe not starving. But it has been tough. Not that I thought it wouldn’t be, but… Well, I’ve been eating more than 1500 calories a day I’m sure. Maybe not every day, but I’ve tried a Cliff bar before working out the last couple days cause I feel almost weak from hunger otherwise. That’s an extra 200 calories right there.

I made a pita bread pizza for dinner, but one wasn’t near enough. Even two left me still hungry. That was with an ounce of turkey pepperoni, green onion, red pepper, tomato puree, and 2 oz of cheese. The only reason I could have two was I didn’t do any starch with breakfast this morning, so I had four portions left instead of just two.

Today I was fairly close, maybe even under. But last Friday I broke. I went to a pizza place for their lunch buffet. About 5 slices of thin crust pizza and a large salad with plenty of French dressing. I’m sure that put me over the top in one sitting. But I left full.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not all doom and gloom or anything. Last night I baked up a northern pike fillet that I coated with a crust of soy nut crumbs mixed with Parmesan cheese, topped with a cucumber dill sauce. Along with it was a side of cooked apples and some of my peppered green beans. I seem to have those about once a week.

It was good, and while I can’t say I was full afterwards, despite eating closer to one and a half servings of the fish, I wasn’t feeling hungry when I finished. And I do have another fillet in the freezer, ready for another time. Cooking for myself is a challenge. But I’m making good use of my vacuum-sealer and the freezer. Freezing ground turkey in 4 ounce portions for example. I thawed one out, browned the meat in a skillet, added some soy sauce, ginger, and garlic and had lettuce wraps. Now that I have soy nuts, I need to try it with some coarse chopped ones in there.

The gym thing is going pretty good. I didn’t really go last week, but been there the last couple nights. When I started going back a month ago, it took me an about 2 to 2.5 minutes to walk a lap on the track, and by the 10 minute mark I had to stop and rest. Tonight, I did 30 minutes, averaging 70-80 seconds per lap the whole time. My calves were a bit sore about 20 minutes in to it, but after a few more minutes they loosened up again and by 30 minutes they were feeling fine. But I was ready for a break.

I’m doing the weight machines a few times a week as well. Machines like the hip adductor, seated leg press, chest and shoulder presses, bilateral something or other. I’m not going for huge weights, trying to average 10-15 reps for 3 sets per machine at weights that range from 60 pounds on the chest and shoulder press to 150 on the calf extensions and seated leg press. I have decent muscle, especially my legs (likely from having to tote all this weight around for years). I suppose it could be why I weigh quite a bit more than I look. Muscle being denser than fat thing ya know, but my muscle is very well cushioned by fat right now.

While I still have about two months before I’d likely do it, I am still leaning towards the surgery. I’m changing my eating habits, maybe better than I ever have, but like I keep coming back to how I am never full. that is just going to end up being a problem if I can’t get around that. I know if I just hadn’t been so dang hungry last Friday I could have waited till I got home and eaten something decent. Yea, I still made a bad decision overall. I could have looked for some place better, but that combination of hunger and temptation, it’s something that is still getting to me right now.

But the positives are definitely out-weighing (forgive the pun) the negatives, I’m down two notches on my belt and feeling like I’m going to have to add another to it or get a new belt soon. Just need to see if I can get my body to adjust to this smaller amounts both physically and mentally, or if I’m going to need help with that after all.

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