It’s been… a week.
I’m really not sure what sort of adjectives to use to describe it.
Overall, I’m still fine with where I’m at, though my scale is dead right now, so I don’t know where I am at number-wise. But I’m not feeling any tightness in my clothes or anything…. so despite my continuing battle with some junk here and there, I think I’m doing good.
Spent a wonderful fall day with the girlfriend in Stillwater, a nearby river town. We walked through antique shops and other little stores on main street, sat by the river for awhile and just enjoyed the unseasonable warm weather. Oh, and the kitchen store – I could spend a day there checking things out, adding them to my wish-list.
Then we had dinner at a little bbq place, split and appetizer and an entree and came home with some of each left over. Then I did something I haven’t done in nearly two years. I had ice cream.
For better or worse, I don’t dump very easily. When I do, it’s typically not too bad, some sweats, maybe a bit of a “foggy” feeling. Not sure if it’s a hypo or hyper-glycemic reaction or what… but if I catch it and get some protein in me like a cheese stick or some jerky or something, I can get it under control with minimal fuss.
Anyways, I had peppermint bon-bon. It was good. I didn’t dump, but I was still too full from dinner I think, so a lil discomfort there. Which is good and bad.
It’s another item I am going to have to .. avoid. It’s going to be work to make sure it’s not something I’ll over-indulge on. Plain and simple. Although, I did find a frozen yogurt in the store that has no added sugar, just 5g of sugar per 1/2 cup serving. I have some in the freezer now. The trick will be limiting my portions. It’s tucked way back in the freezer. Actually, I think tonight I’ll have a lil and put the rest in the deep freeze down in the basement.
Then Sunday had dinner with G and the girls, brought stuff for us to each make our own pizzas using some whole-wheat pitas I found at the store for the crust. That’s when I found the frozen yogurt.
So yea, last weekend was great. Earlier this week I started working on my mummy costume for halloween, and things were good.
Then Tuesday happened.
There’s a fairly decent chance I’ll be laid off for a bit sometime in the very near future. Maybe.
My boss gave me a heads up on it. I do some of our basic books, so I know where we’re at. I know what jobs we have… or rather don’t have going on. I wouldn’t be as stressed about this if I had the money they owe me for back-pay. But they don’t, so I don’t.. and… yea… that whole thing is just hovering there right now.
Then Wednesday… Tanner got.. sick. I dunno… Tuesday night he was chewing on threads coming off the ripped up sheets I’m using for my costume. Wednesday morning he wouldn’t eat his breakfast. Usually he’s meowing like a banshee to wake me up to feed him. Not today.
My hope was that he just swallowed some of the threads and they needed to pass and he’d be fine.
I got home late Wednesday evening… he wasn’t fine. Took him to the vet yesterday morning and well… I ended up saying good bye.
Last night, I turned to food.
Fortunately, not in the way I would have in the past. I still have most of that frozen yogurt in the freezer. No, instead of pigging out, I cooked. I made a mushroom lasagna using eggplant slices instead of pasta. It was my first attempt, and I’m happy with how it turned out, but as G and I were eating I was already coming up with some tweeks in my head. Not only that, but was trying to think of other uses for the eggplant that I could do to sub for pasta…
So are my emotional eating, binging days over? No. Are my days of turning to food for comfort over? No. But I think I’ve progressed.
Food is still a joy for me. I will never be one of those “food is just a fuel” types. Never. I don’t want to be.
And while I’ve always loved cooking, my cooking has evolved. I take as much (maybe more) joy in the process, in the creation as I do in the eating. I had a great stroganoff I used to make using condensed soup and sour cream. Now I’m trying to come up with a from scratch recipe that I really like.. and I’m close. Very close.
It’s things like this that keep the pleasure of food in my life, finding better, healthier ways to fuel my body and my … well, my soul. It’s part of living my life instead of watching it go by. And it’s part of , well, finding a better, healthier way of dealing with the joys and pains that come along with living that life.